SWEE.

Friday, May 24, 2013

OH MY GOD!!!!

i still have access to my blog!!! n my other blogs too!!

wow its been ages since i last signed in n blogged.

i have to read some of my old posts LOL.

i dont even know is this blog privated?!?!

oh wells it is 2013 n i just wanted to blog a HELLO (:

i feel happy to be able to access my blog thats all (:

memories help make u a better person so i must read some old posts now.

cheers~~

THE END xD

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

so here's an update of what happened..
n whats going on now...

i was sick almost 24/7 for a month...
all sorts of sickness ongoing affected me badly.
i grew far from th Lord.
stopped studying since eons.
stopped going to Wu for classes.
dance abit n exercised abit...
still sucked miserably in battles n gained weight.
altho i lost th weight again after being reli sick.
my life was at th dumps.
i was restless, moody, grumpy, tired, n depressed.
life was meaningless. i served no purpose on earth.

thats when i decided to bounce back (w th help of mummy).

today im reli happy for many things.
most impt of them all........
i came back to Christ.
started doing QT everynight at first.
bt th moment i came back to PRAYING everynight..
n th moment i went back to church.
just 3 nights of long prayers n one sunday at church turned my life around!!!

im back at Wu going for as many classes i like!!!
im drilling myself on my popping at home!!
im doing my own exercises alternate days!!
im doing th laundry n mopping th floor alt days too n im happy abt it!!
my social skills improved tremendously!!!
IM NO LONGER SICK all th time n i get proper sleep!!
my sleeping time n hours are corrected!!
i feel healthy, refreshed, energized, grateful, contented, most of all HAPPY.
like reli seriously DAMN HAPPY.
happy happy happy happy.

furthermore,
im done with my studies. yesh...im through with it.
im getting my diploma in two months time.
no longer hv to study or go classes or pay sch fees.
i know i was susposed to get a degree...
bt i quit, gave up halfway...why?
i lost interest, uni modules were so hard, i cldnt multi-task, wanna go full-time w dance, th sch sucked big time, they screwed me over.
to graduate on time n get good grades was now impossible.
so instead of forcing myself n ending up miserable w shit grades..
my mum spoke to me n asked if i wanted to give up.
so i did, its nt a big deal cos i can still continue in th future.

now i just wanna focus on dancing n see where i can go frm here.
i wanna be a dance teacher, cos i love to dance n i love teaching dance.
besides after much prayers, th Lord has answered me - i get my diploma!! lol.
u cld say its all me, my choice n who i am.
bt sometimes God asked u do to things which doesnt have a safety plan, n doesnt seem logical. bt in yr heart u just know its th right thing. u need to muster up yr courage n just trust in th Lord. n i reli feel this is th way He is leading me, even if its not, its just my choice...i still know that He will be w me n guide me through.
for everything in life, i have Jesus.

im nt gonna talk abt this studies thing to anyone.
th ppl who knew much abt my studies doesnt care anymore.
now most of th ppl arnd me doesnt care much in this area too.
thats a damn good thing.
im just gonna tell ppl im done w my studies, got my diploma.
now im taking a break to dance n maybe earn cash frm it.
th rest isn't very much impt to explain abt. its like..boringggg.

n my hair is blue now. yes blue n black.
no longer purple or pink or blondish white.
all of it is gone n now its blue n black.
i didnt ask for blue, i asked for violet...th can also read violet..
somehow it turned out blue...i guess for th better.
i get comments n opinions bt i dont reli care much, so long as im happy.
having such hair colors u reli got to stop caring abt wat ppl think or say.
ive gotten used to th staring, infact i just stare back.

like i said, im happy.
im also inspired, motivated n energized in my dancing.
after watchin Singapore Dance Delight where all th top dance crews in singapore compete giving all they got...its reli a WOW thing, just ah-maze-zing!!
i hope to be there one day.
for now, i hv alot of going back to th drawing board to do.
i realized many times i think too much n focus too much on techniques, cleaniness n steps.
that i totally forget abt dancing n just enjoying th elements of dance itself.
i forget about th music n how it makes me feel.
so much so till i sucked (:
bt now that i know this...i must be mindful.

n i must rmb n be mindful that Christ is always w me.
my life i go thru w Him, nt on my own.
n each n everyday is a day worth bring Glory to God so i shldnt waste it.
as well as my body is th temple of God, i must tc of it well (:

cheerios!!!

THE END xD

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

for my 20th bday...
on fri 5th mar 2010 nilawan n finny took me out.
they took me out on a surprise food hunt adventure!
on th way we also went partyworld n also played wii.
we had more entertainment when finny brought along th book i wrote to her when i was 14 years old.
it was an awesome n fun time!! laughed so hard all th way!!
i haven't laughed so much in sucha v.long long time.
i haven't been that person i was tht day for ages.
i loved it all. thanks my dear O-Fish (im fillet, nil's o, n finny's fish btw).

on sat 6th mar 2010.
my godparents asked me out for lunch n gave me ang bao.
they also bought for me n mum BOGGLE which we played later tht day.
also went shopping n had a trim at Wallace's hair saloon.

on sun 7th mar 2010.
went to svc in th morning, left halfway..
made my way with mum to th zoo n met w her colleagues.
spent th day at th zoo!! had another awesome time w mum.
mum bought me a toy from th zoo n a sylvester keychain.
she also paid for my zoo ticket of course!
later tht evening, dad n brother gave me ang baos.
i went for an excruciating massage then went home to knock out.

8th mar 2010, MY BDAYYY!!!
woke up, mum kissed me on my forehead n wished me (:
spent th morning resting at home n relaxing.
went out with mum for high-tea at shangri-la at 3pm.
she had two free vouchers for high-tea there (:
played abit of boggle over there then came home.
reached home at 630pm n spent an hr playin w bobby.
later, got ready n my mum sent me down to studio.
went for la fuse open studio, joe was so sweet to pay for me!!
th open studio was hella fun, choreo dope stuff.
after tht, la fuse n studio wu ppl surprised me w cake!!!
it was damn unexpected, n i was still sitting down drinking my water when everyone was standing n singing happy bday alr lol.
wished, blow n cut slice of cake then took fotos w la fuse (:
then one by one fed celine, lixin, belle, n glady cake xD

now im back home absorbing all th facebook bday wishes!!!
n all th fotos tht O-Fish had tagged n uploaded there.
truely grateful n appreciative of all th wishes esp those on smses n th funny ones.

uber love my mum for everyth she did for my this bday, love it all.
love my O-Fish for th day they planned for me n for paying everyth on tht day even!!
love all th studio wu ppl who reli made my day w th surprise cake, wish n song (:
am very touched (:

lastly, thank God for everyth, my biggest provider!!

THE END xD

Monday, March 01, 2010

i title this post as REJUVENATION.
finally reviving this blog...why?? i suddenly rmb abt it th other day.
turns out i've been inactive cos i forgot abt my blog :O
n well reason being too busy lah!!!

im just updating for my sake.
im sure everyone is happy on facebook so they dont blogger anymore!
me too. bt i guess i owe this blog lah, so many posts here.
how to let go?!???

so anws this is now OFFICIALLY th longest i've been away.
close to about a year.
lets see what i can update about my life...
im sure i'll forget to blog alot of things if i try recalling now...
so heck, im just gonna blog what i can n whats recent.
th rest is left to my own brain to store as long-term memory (:

firstly...as u can see i editted th template a tiny bit.
made some changes to whats appropriate.

ok now to let th real update begin...n quickly!! (dinner is ready for me!)

lets see, i have purple hair now, like bright purple/pink.
it was purple, now its pink, it will be white soon.
its my whole head, bleach then color. i love it btw!!! like alot, so much!

just finish being in a big battle Floor The Love.
was a blast. learnt alot. enjoyed alot. experienced alot.
crew name: Then You Suffer.
i just love my crew name ok!! lol. much thxs to yanhui for being my partner.

still dancing...still studying psychology...still christian.
no longer youth prez, its alr a year..expired lol.
still trying to wake up every sunday for service.
psychology going nowhere btw.
dance i cut down alot...bt im gonna bring back my game!!

last bt not least...bobby. he's been great n doing fine.
tho i recently found out his constant vomitting is nt normal or natural.
he is now classified as under sensitive stomach or fussy eater.
well he still loves his mum th most. he gives his undying love for her.

ok i really gotta go. update more next time! WOOOO (:

THE END xD

Friday, September 18, 2009

DOC recital is over!!! happy or sad?? not sure. in between (x
well i guess it went reasonably well.
here n there were alot of emotions, excitement, frustration etc.
bt i loved it ultimately becos it is experience.
n i love th high i get dancing on stage infront of ppl xDD
im happy w th results in th end.
now more ppl knw me, n knw me for my tutting n popping (x

omgosh i just saw bobby run after a bird on my window still.
ahahaha so funny. this cat is hilarious!! he's been loving lately.
n of cos he's been showing alot of attitude n pms attitude too!!
bt thats cos i had been so busy w th recital lately, he feels leftout.
ahhh 3 years w bobby!!!! 3 years of loving carmen?!? lol.

ok so anyways i felt like blogging today...so here i am.
now that DOC recital is over, i dno many will go their separate ways.
i kinda hate that, bt im immuned to it as well.
its just abit wasted cos a few of them i finally grew closer only nearing th end of th recital. which is a total pity now if they just walk out my life.
still, there are a few i knw i will keep in touch w them n they will keep in touch w me.
some i will be joining future courses with, some just out to makan n fun, some i will teach them popping (th guys mainly lol).
i guess at this moment, i dno why bt smth hurts me that i dont miss it all.
everyone's fb status says they miss each other. n yet i dont feel th same.
n i dno why, where did it all go wrong or bad for me???

for starters i just like to say i hate gemini ppl.
this recital has been a rollercoaster ride for me with maybelle.
yeh i liked her, n i thot this was th way to grow closer to her.
it brought me closer, n it brought me further.
i start to see her for who she reli is, all her stupid flaws n blurness.
with th recital n my friends being so impt to me, i got frustrated n pissed w belle n her carelessness. i was pissed w her in so many ways.
n somehow, even tho she doesnt knw this, i somehow became small to her.
i did everyth for her, im closest to her, yet i became no one to her.
n she loved everyone else more than me....i was nothing truely.
i wasted my time doing so much for her. so much that i didnt say it to her.
bt everyone else saw it. they saw jamie doing maybelle's job 24/7....
they all saw jamie get belle th giant stitch on teacher's day for every1 to chip in.
they saw jamie made belle tht glorious, amazing gift of chocolates n stitch to present to her on stage of th recital....n they saw many more.
they knew i was under-appreciated too, so they appreciated me more.
all this i cld handle, th end where i saw myself stepped on, tables turned on me.

i thot belle was better than michael when michael chose diana instead of me to perform in th poppers item...n belle chose me to do a solo poppin item for our grp.
bt now i see no difference, its just another table turned on me againnnn.
i was susposed to win th spotlight award, bt shyne won it instead.
dont get me wrong, im happy for diana n shyne for all they deserved.
i just needed my "teachers" to tell me why i wasnt good enough to get it....
why belle did i lose to shyne?? why mic did i lose to diana??? wat did i do wrong??
i wanna knw, bcos i wanna be a teacher like u guys too in th future.
n i guess it broke my heart when i knew i cldnt bring home th award for my parents.
they invested so much money n time into my dancing, i just wanted to make them proud, to let them know they wldnt hv to regret spending th money.
tables turned, belle chose shyne....n i am left disheartened. a loser at th end.
i nv did anyth for her to win anyth, i did it for her bcos i wanted to, for th love of dance n for th respect of a teacher. n now im a sucker.

th worst thing is, all my friends were shocked i didnt win.
cos th award is a nomination!!! n 5 ppl voted for me. 2 voted shyne.
th rest forgotten to vote n if they did, they said it wld go to me /x
still, it was a fake nomination, cos i knw my friends told th truth, bt it was belle who decided otherwise. she decided tht her stupid co-ordinator jamie shldnt win.
to end, i hate gemini ppl. they ALWAYS do this to me. screw it sia.

i dont see myself w any gemini ppl anymore. i hv no hope.
u always think they are different, that horoscope is bullshit.
somehow they're all th same to me, i knw them too well.
so th only one to blame is myself, for always doing stupid things over n over again.

THE END xD

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

officially th longest time im away frm my blog...
n now im back. just for today.
i havent blog in ages, so i felt like a quick update here.
just for myself. after all my blog holds certain memories.
so here goes....

lets talk abt sch first, i mean studies.
i have come to make friends there, its all cool.
we share comments n feedbacks regarding th shit sch.
we let each other knw wat must be done...
so tht we can go scold th sch back.
also, met this gd friend dominic, n he helps me a bunch.
we share our hmwk n stuff, bt mostly he does alot n give me.
without him, i dno how i'll managed this month...
i simply cant find th time to do all my hmwk.
i hv 3 modules im doing at th moment, n i just received an email that im doing another one in next week. thank God all th modules are arium n not w CSU.

speaking of God. i dno if i can say for th time im away frm my blog...
that i've grown spiritually or not, that i've grown closer to Him or not.
one is cos, many experiences i literally walked w Him, n felt Him.
bt then again, i havent been going to church or yf due to other commitments.
(n th one time i went back for svc, i dno why bt i broke down n cry!!)
still, i hv been doing my qt. n if i missed certain days i make it up.
bt th bottomline is, i wldnt hv gone thru so far in my life if it wasnt for Him.
He reli just guided me, Blessed me, n saw me thru everything.
there were times when i questioned Him n waited for His answer.
n when th answer came, i needed a friend to tell me it was His answer.
its just ahmazing seeing all this happening, seeing God work in my life!!
knowing tht He loves me, n every trial has its benefit n its meaning, tht He will lead me victorious becos I am His.
most importantly He blessed me w many angel of friends i have.
who led me thru this time so comfortably n happily.
God is in my Life, n i want to live my Life w Him.
there many heartaches n frustration w th recital, it demoralized me. bt God showed me th way, He kept me going on, im just too thankful.

in terms of dance...it was up n down too.
i got 2 performances, one th recital, th other th esplanade thing.
i still havent given up on popping. still sessioning w th poppers.
there were still open classes i ended up going everyday.
n of cos i did my exercises twice a week.
bt it all went down as i neared my recital date. things became too much to handle.
i sacrificed not going for open classes, not sessioning w th poppers.
i sacrified even my hmwk n movie dates so that i could go shop frustratingly for my costume. which is now amounted to arnd a 100 bucks.
there was just too many hardcore rehs that needed me to be there.
after every rehs my body was just too tired to do anyth th next day.
so yeh it was up, then it went down this 2 weeks as i give up everyth else...
to stay focused on th recital n th friends who are in it together.

indeed i hv grown ever so close to my grp of st jazz friends.
who we just call each other jazzies, bt now our grp name is S.O.L.
anws yeh, i nv thot i'll be so close to them, closer than th poppers, or even th ppl in th studiowu or even in church.
i rmb th time i used to blog abt how kuku they are n all sorts.
well, they still are kuku, th best way to describe them is drama/cartoon.
bt not th drama like sec sch clique...thats too extreme for us now lol.
yeh anws, im so closed to them maybe cos we just click n bond.
or maybe cos we meet up so often. n we do more than just practice.
we go out for makan, kbox, bday celebrations etc.
yups, they look after me, take care me, get me gifts, drive me here n there.
n i do th most i can for them too, being as sweet as i always am lol, teaching them th best i can n preparing them for th recital.
we're just so close right now, i love hanging w them everyday.
n th good thing is they're all older than me, well at least th ones im close to. n they find me mature enough, so thats good.
again, thanks to th Lord.

another thing to highlight is my funny buddy peipei.
my goodfriend, knowing her, been th closest to her, been a great joy.
its like i need her in my life, n i cant express how happy i am to hv her.
its like been so long since i had tht friend...bestfriend or wdv.
someone i can trust, lean on, n in turn do th same for them.
bt it hurt us both dramatically when she fractured her ankle...
she cant dance w us on stage for th recital, n it killed us both.
it killed me cos i wanted her arnd, n cos i knew just how much this recital meant to her. it was her one chance to perform on stage, n she wanted it now, she paid however much it cost, she gave it her all, just to fulfill her dream of performing on stage for friends n family.
not counting me, she was th best in th grp alr. we both rocked.
n just like that, her leg fractured, she's in clutches w a big cast, n 1mth mc.
so i have been busy visiting her at her home in paya lebar -.-"
n once going w her to sgh, which on tht day i reli felt God led me so magically. cos i was lost as to how to get to her blk n lost as to how go home. n i dno wat came over me, i just walked n God led me to th right place n on time.
anws, my dear friend, cant perform, cant go on her europe trip...
im just tryin to make time for her even during this bz week, w th recital coming up this sunday.
n of cos everynight, praying for her, n waiting for God to show me His reasons for this incident in His time. just like He always does in all other incidents.

ohwells i love my jazzies (x

THE END xD

Sunday, July 26, 2009

hooo boy its been a long time since i updated.
quick run thru.

been reli bz bz bz bz. too many things. so sian...
still sleeping quite alot of hours.
alot going on for popping n st jazz, w battles n th recital rehearsals.
cheonging for alot of dance classes as well, just cos i like.
studying as well, been killing myself w that.
slowly or maybe rapidly going mad studying abt mental disorders.
currently into facebook games!!!

finished oth 4, waiting for a free period in life to watch Life LOL.

bobby has been good. just finished shedding his fur.

made tons of new friends. grew closer to them.
if i nv said it cos i nv blogged it, i must admit it now, today....
my stjazz batch of ppl are pretty cool n fun to be with.
n i love them, n i love hanging out w them. so im closer to them..
yeah these are th ppl im reli bonded to now.
poppers, still loving them, bt hanging out lesser w them...
its hard, juggling both dance style n both sides of friends.
still meeting new ppl, still working on my social.
but im glad i hv my jazzies n poppers.

i also have my church, th yfers, they bring me joy.
quiet, pleasant, blissful n peaceful kinda happyness.
not that they are a quiet bunch, thats just my feeling arnd them.
maybe cos they're young, innocent n christians.
anyhow, spiritual life is rocky, bt considered still alright.
problem is service. shant elaborate too much here.

i sound pretty contented here. n i am. doesnt mean im good.
life has been throwing crap at me, n i had th shittiest day ytd.
so yeah for th past 3 or 4 days i've been crying everyday.
sooo yeh, been abit tough, n down most often.
i feel lost, disapointed, fed up, n just reli down n frustrated.
most of th anger is directed at myself...so its worst i guess.
hopefully...if anyone reads this, they'll pray for me.
bt i doubt so....i hardly blog anymore lol.

ok im going to play fb now (x

THE END xD